Thursday, December 3, 2009

Fear and Loathing on the Wii Fit Board

Fear was a prominent emotion yesterday.  As I stepped on the Wii Fit board (I find it to be more consistent and more entertaining than my bathroom scale), I knew for sure that I’d weigh more than I did the last time I weighed myself a number of months ago, but I wasn’t sure exactly how much more I’d weigh.

I giggled as the Wii Mii looked down at it’s body and watched itself go from scary skinny (as it always begins, no matter what your weight or previous weight) to obese, as though it was saying, “Oh my God!  Where did that come from?”  Then I whimpered, realizing that I was actually scared to find out how much I weigh.  I bravely raised the Wiimote and pressed the A button.  Then I let out a gasp.

I had tried to tell myself not to be surprised or upset by the number.  After all, I am already very aware of the extra weight.  It’s difficult not to be aware when there’s resistance every time I bend over to tie my shoe.  Unfortunately I didn’t listen to myself.  After my initial reaction to the number on the screen, I tried to act cool.  “Well, I’ve lost weight before, I’ll do it again,” I said ever-so-positively.  But inside I was filled with dread.  I managed to pack on forty-two pounds in the past year.  Did I burn even a single calorie of anything I ate since last December?

I am not going on a diet.  I’m changing my lifestyle.  Incredibly clich√© and hokey, I know.  I’m sticking with my five pound loss per month goal.  It’s going to be a major exercise of patience on my part.  If I lose five pounds each month, I won’t reach my happy weight until June 2011.  That’s okay (I keep telling myself), because any loss is better than no loss, and definitely better than continuing to gain.  It will take a long, long time, but in the end it will be so very worth it (I must keep telling myself).

I will take as many people with me on this journey as want to join me.  I have plenty of room!  So far, I’m traveling all by myself.  Cruising down the cyber highway, talking out loud to myself.  I realized yesterday that the blog thing scares me, too.  What if I spend the time writing my blog entries and no one ever, ever reads them?  I’m always complaining about how days are about twenty-four hours too short.  Why would I gamble with my time like that?  My time could be better spent on things more definite.  I am the least gamblesome (I think I just invented a word!) person I’ve ever met.  I hate to gamble with anything.  I hate to take chances.  But I need to remind myself that sometimes the gamble is better than the definite.  The gamble:  I could lose time because no one ever, ever reads my blog, or I could take some people on this journey with me and it’ll be fun.  The definite:  If I don’t write, no one will read.

So, I’ve decided to wad my fear up into a ball and swallow it.  Gulp.  It doesn’t taste too good, but luckily it doesn’t have any fat or calories.

5 comments:

  1. Hello,
    you and i are remarkably similar.
    I thought I was prepared that day I stepped on the scale...then nearly fainted when I did. I felt fear, panic...anger...
    Then resolve.
    5 lbs a month....I read this blog with a great deal of hope. This is EXACTLY the right attitude.
    Yes, some days will feel longer than others, the beginnin g is daunting, the end is exciting, the middle...like any good sandwich, is messy.
    Just keep one thing in mind. July of 2011 will get here one way or the other. How do you want to be when it gets here. The same, fatter or thinner. That should keep your mind right. Just ask that question when you want to bean someone in the noggin with the scale.
    I always think this:
    One pound at a time.
    130 lbs for me....one pound 130 times....it's doable. I have lost 66 lbs in a little under 7 months. At times I was worried I was losing too fast for the new habits to stick. Keep in mind slow and easy and you'll do this.
    I'll be reading. So, you aren't wasting your time blogging, and I have no doubt plenty of others will read as well.
    Good luck.
    Chris

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  2. Thank you so much, Chris. Your comment means so much to me. Just before I came and checked my blog, I was really teetering on whether I'd continue with the blog or just do the weight loss and such without it. Your comment really gave me the boost I needed to stick with the blog. I will also keep in mind what you said about summer 2011 coming one way or another. It will. And how do I want to be at that time? I want to be at a healthy weight and feeling good about myself! :) I will keep reminding myself of that!

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  3. I think we're on the same journey sista.
    T
    Thanks for following my blog.
    made me smile

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  4. We all gotta start somewhere, and at least you are STARTING, right? Make sure you really log in your brain how you felt when you saw that number - because you never want to feel like that again, so use that to fuel your weight loss fire.
    I think your plan is very reasonable - who cares how long it takes? Sure, we'd all like to drop 100 pounds in less than 2 months a la Biggest Loser, but that just isn't reality. Lose it slow, learn good habits, and you'll be set up to never gain it back again.
    And yes - you will have at least one person reading your posts here!

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  5. Hey ... welcome to one of the most supportive communities of women (and a few men, too) most of us will ever know!

    Good, bad, or ugly, blog it. Chances are someone has been thru just the same thing!

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