Wednesday, December 9, 2009

How Come You Love Me When I'm Ugly?

Patience is my eleven-year-old daughter.  She is the coolest kid I know.  She is incredibly diverse.  Her favourite music is Lights, Michael Jackson, Guns N’ Roses, Jonas Brothers, Black Eyed Peas and Owl City.  She loves drumming, writing, singing, drama, and clothing design.  She lives up to her name.  She is patient.  She is also generous, loving, kind, optimistic, and forgiving.  I feel sorry for the poor girl, having to put up with a mom who for the past week has had her panties all up in a bunch.

I have been a very good girl, food-wise.  I have been drinking lots of water every day and eating lots of vegetables.  I haven’t brought anything into this house that I shouldn’t eat, and I haven’t craved them.  Yet.  I know that the beginning is easier when you’re determined and hopeful, but it gets tougher along the way when you see other people eating the things you used to eat.  Skinny people.  And you start to feel bitter and resentful.  And like you just want one bag of chips, dammit.  Just one trip to McDonald’s, for crying out loud.  Just one helping of tiramisu, for the love of God!  I’m not looking forward to that when the time comes, but gosh darnit, I’ll be ready to battle the craving monsters when they attack this time!  I’m getting ahead of myself.  The past week was good.  Food-wise.

I have been so cranky that I’ve wished that I could take a walk to get away from myself.  But everywhere I go, there I am!  I couldn’t figure out why I was so moody.  There’s nothing about my new eating habits that I’m really not enjoying so far.  Isn’t eating healthy supposed to make you feel good?  Where’s all this crazy coming from?

I was reading SkinnyHollie’s blog and a light bulb went on above my head.  I looked up and said, “What the heck is that?”  Oh!  Detox!  "When you cut anything out of your diet that isn’t good for you, your body will go through a detox,” her blog read.  My body has been freaking out at me for not giving it all the crap that it’s used to having.  Well, suck it up, body.  You’re just going to have to get used to it.

I stepped on the Wii Fit board this morning, nervously.  I didn’t know what to expect.  I know that I’ve been eating well and been more active, but haven’t noticed a difference in the way that I look or feel yet.  I pointed the Wiimote at the screen and clicked the ‘A’ button.  I stared at the screen.  I couldn’t believe what I was looking at.  “Holy cow,” I finally said.  Patience looked up and asked what I was holy cowing about.  “I lost six pounds since last week,” I told her.

Six pounds.  Six pounds where?  What does six pounds look like?  What does six pounds feel like?  I am not sure where this six pounds has come from, but I’ll take it.  Er… leave it?  I am sure that most of it is water weight, but six pounds is six pounds.  It doesn’t have to be fat loss, as long as I’ve lost six pounds of something that wasn’t supposed to be there.  I’ve been looking in the mirror and pressing on different parts of my body trying to figure out where I lost six pounds from.  As neat as it would be to lose six pounds from one place at once, I’m thinking it’s probably a little here and a little there.  I do feel less pressure just below my ribcage now that I’m paying attention.

So, Patience and I did a little celebration dance in the living room.  And for the first time in about seven days I didn’t feel like ripping anyone’s arm off and slapping them with the wet end.  This is a good start.


  1. Haha, excellent blog entry girl! Wow, can I relate to the junky food food cravings. I so struggle with eating properly. I so admire ppl. like you that are doing something about it. You and another gf of mine are both eating better (and losing weight in the process). Right now my adopting a healthier food consumption lifestyle (minus the junk) seems insurmountable! Of course quitting somoking (before I successfully kicked the habit) seemed so as well. Please pray that I'll be able to (somehow) make the change. I'm so scared of becoming really obese. Thanks Elaine
    ~ Erin L.

  2. Congrats!

    And I completely adore your way with words. Especially the "slapping them with the wet end" bit. Literally lol'd.

  3. Congrats on your loss! Kick out the door and tell it not to come back! 6 lbs is definitely an accomplishment and you should be so proud of yourself. We're all rooting for you!

  4. I wanted to tell you that I really like the way you write—straight forward and honest. Also,I wanted to wish you well,

  5. Congrats on the great loss! Yes, take it, no matter what kind of weight it is.
    Your daughter sounds like a wonderful little girl.

  6. Thanks so much for joining up to follow my blog! I hope you will find the support and encouragement that I have in this online community. I think your attitude is just right for getting this done and I am really looking forward to reading more about your journey. Congrats on the first great loss of many!

  7. Hey there :) Thanks for visiting and commenting on my blog! I look forward to start reading and folloowing yours as well. Have a great day!

  8. Congrats, congrats on the six pounds. You are making such good choices and I had forgot about the detoxing situation. As soon as I get over my self imposed whiny grazing/binge episode, I'm going to back on track and I'm gaining motivation from your writing. Hang in there and take care. Thanks for your words of wisdom, also. Susan

  9. awesome! 6 pounds! This is my first week back on track, hoping to see something similiar!

  10. Wow 6 pounds is great :) Especially over the holidays!

  11. 6 lbs is a lot!
    Next time you're in the grocery store, pick up 6 x 1 lb bags of sugar and walk around with them for a few'll soon figure out how heavyt it is!

    Great job :)